In our Facing Change Series, we are recognizing several key and nearly universal challenges that face leaders and congregations. As we face change and conflict one of the hurdles we experience is that so often our hearts, councils, committees, and even whole congregations can grind to a halt as they experience a collective gridlock. Paralyzed by anxiety and uncertainty we slow to a pace of indecision and struggle to move forward with a sense of mission and calling.  

In his book The Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, Edwin Friedman writes about the systemic gridlock we experience and highlights three common, yet ultimately unsuccessful, ways we seek to overcome these deadlocks. Friedman writes:

“There are three major, interlocking characteristics common to any relationship system that has become imaginatively gridlocked:

• An unending treadmill of trying harder

• Looking for answers rather than reframing questions

• Either / or thinking that creates false dichotomies

“These attributes are both symptom and cause of a locked-in perspective.”

In order to help escape this locked-in thinking, Friedman points out  the way out cannot, “… [B]e obtained simply by developing some new method for “tinkering with the mechanics,” or by redoubling our efforts to try harder. The way out, rather requires shifting our orientation to the way we think about relationships from one that focuses on techniques that motivate others to one that focuses on the leader’s own presence and being.”

As we extend the invite to participate in the Community of Churches, we recognize that as leaders and congregations we need to find support, encouragement, and a trusted community where we can safely practice the skills and being necessary to lead effectively through conflict.

If you are looking for an experience that can help you move beyond your gridlocked moment, we hope you’ll consider partnering with us in building a culture that honors this hard work.

In Hope,

The Better Together Team